and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
