I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
