I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
