The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The uberlube is also flammable
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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