My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
