you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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