i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
