Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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