I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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