Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
