a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
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