it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
