You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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