i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
