Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
