sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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