I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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