Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
