when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
