hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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