$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
