Your dad touched me again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
