4 words: hood of his car
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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