she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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