is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
