I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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