i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
its liver damage thursday
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