Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
