We got so high we made milksteak
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
