I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
