We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
