If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
