I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
