my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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