she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
