I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
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