nut hugger
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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