It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
