I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize