I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize