you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
