Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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