i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
