Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
