you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
