I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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