Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
