Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize