I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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