You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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