I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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