I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
