It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
