Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
