This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
