Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
