they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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