party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
