when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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