Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
