I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
