We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
