i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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