you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
