Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize