I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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