Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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