The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
