i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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