I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
