I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
