apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize