Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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