Your dad touched me again.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
