I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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