Swine flu is the new snow day.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
