Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
