I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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