i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
