I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
