he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
what day is it and did you see me today?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
