why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
