hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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