last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
