i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
