Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
