Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
